The Unconscious Judgement

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It’s been to long since I’ve known someone whom you can call a friend. Today people just try to fit themselves, like jigsaw puzzle pieces that had been folded and worn out from the harsh environment we call society. We fit yes, but sometimes we are too loose or more often to worn out to connect with the other puzzle pieces, feeling of not able to fit in. It’s been too obvious that those people around us just try to understand what we do, try to tell us that it is comfortable around them, but it’s not.

It happened on the 27th of January, this year which is 2015. The moment I step on the school grounds, I felt not just one, but dozens of frozen eyes staring at me, it’s having a frostbite in a middle of a desert, too hot to move and too painful to react. I’ve done this a thousand times, could probably say “been there, done that” but that moment of feeling away from everybody even thou they are just inches near you, feels just so uninspiring. Been a lot of troubles lately at school at home, but the understanding doesn’t really exist anymore. Those fake smiles and those sinister smirks, coming from those people that you should trust, those people who teaches you everyday, the one’s whom you listen everyday. It’s not right, specially coming from them, they should be the one who asks you whats happening, the one who you could really talk to. Arrogant, and self centered that is how I feel about them, I believe it’s better to talk to a mentally impaired person, at least they don’t lie. Even thou the truth might hurt at least you will feel that they care, none the less for those whom they call themselves “degree holders” are those who couldn’t even understand the feeling of others, even if they are “specially trained” for that purpose. I’m not against every teachers and professors, it’s just their are some.

Judging someone unconsciously, is one of the most painful feeling somebody could have experience, specially coming from those people whom you think cares. If I could just touch their souls and tell them everything and let them understand that there are people who are just way to wounded to suffer anymore, that there are people who are too fragile to be criticized as fast as you look into them. They have given me fear, fear that pushed me back ever since. All I want is hope, to be believe in. If they could just hear me more, they would understand. All I want is a chance.

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